Apologies that Work

Theodore Dalrymple's "False Apology Syndrome--I'm Sorry for Your Sins" (http://www.incharacter.org/article.php?article=119) often hits the right tone. He moves beyond the insincere-sounding "I'm sorry if you were insulted" and its ilk to the public apologies for past transgressions by long-dead people. So the Pope apologizes for the Crusades, and Tony Blair apologizes for the potato famine. Dalrymple claims that such pseudo-apologies actually have a corrosive effect on virtue. It increases pride without any real responsibility--virtue becomes a matter of loud proclamation, rather than painful self-examination.

He also suggests that shame--that often ignored emotion (no one is supposed to feel ashamed these days)--is an appropriate moral emotion for past transgressions, at least horrible ones. His article is consistent with others that place such emotions at the center of our moral lives.

Dalrymple is concerned with the effect of sham apologies on the giver and recipient. So how should we apologize? The guidelines should include the preservation of the recipient's dignity. For many transgressions of the daily variety, they should in some way preserve the giver's dignity, too. That is, by facing those to whom you are apologizing in a dignified (but not arrogant) manner, you actually are demonstrating respect. And such apologies transmit the indirect message that you will be good for something after the apology, including action to make things better.